The American Diary Project: Preserving American History One Diary at a Time

My trunk full of diaries, eventually destined for donation to the American Diary Project

I am a lifelong diarist: and the trunk you see here is filled with my diaries, going back to 1962 (when I was nine years old) to 1994, when I was 41. They were in storage for a long time, but they are back with me now and I am thus faced with the responsibility of contemplating what to do with them.

Since I am a writer of memoirs, I will surely be referring to these diaries as I work on my next books. But what will happen to them after that?

I actually contemplated–with dread–destroying them after I had determined that I would have no more use for them. I asked myself if my children would really want the burden of figuring out what to do with them after I’m gone.

On the other hand, as a writer with the soul of an archivist, I really don’t believe in destroying material of this kind. Both as a memoirist who is not a famous person, and as a writing coach, I believe that everyone’s story is important. And I believe that the kind of daily detail that “ordinary” people record in their diaries is an important kind of historical documentation.

Furthermore, once I had opened a couple of my diaries and read bits of them, I realized that a) the writing is good! and b) parts or them could definitely be of interest to future historians, readers, and writers of various kinds. I carried my journal with me everywhere and recorded details about the passing parade of New Yorkers as I rode the subway, sat on benches in Central Park, walked home from the subway in Ft. Greene, Brooklyn, attended the largest nuclear disarmament rally in New York City history. I captured things that often no one else saw, and most likely no one else recorded; and these little vignettes of daily life in New York in the 1980s and 90s are interesting. They just are.

My grandmother’s diary, 1916

My mother’s diary, 1973

My diary, 1982

My mother and grandmother also kept diaries all their lives, and I have them. I drew on them heavily when I was working on my memoir, A Long Way from Iowa.

So–now it was back to the question of what to do with all these diaries. “Surely there must be somewhere where this kind of thing can be saved, can be archived,” I said to myself. “There has to be!”

So I did a Google search and guess what? I discovered that there was no such place (at least no such national place) until 2022. But now there is, thanks to Kate Zirkle, founder and executive director of The American Diary Project, and her amazing group of volunteers, who are stepping up and providing a place for Americans to donate their diaries–and a place for this valuable kind of local/family/national history to be preserved, archived, and shared.

I asked Kate if she would be willing to be interviewed via email, and she graciously agreed. Here follows our e-interview.

Janet Hulstrand: How did you come up with the idea for the American Diary Project? And more importantly, how have you managed to make it a reality?

Kate Zirkle: One crisp fall day in October of 2022, I was updating my last will and testament when I was struck by the question of what to do with my journals after I passed. Should I leave them to someone? Should I burn them? Should I donate them? These questions lead me down a fruitless internet search—I just couldn’t find a suitable place to archive my writings in the US. Upon this discovery, I felt an instant, electric surge of “I WOULD LOVE TO DO THAT” and thus, the American Diary Project was born.

My professional background is in marketing, so thankfully I had the experience necessary to create a website and social media presence. It started out with just me, but since opening it up to volunteers we now have over 30 volunteers across the country that help search through diaries to capture metadata, transcribe diaries, write blog posts, and help spread the word about the project. It was also self-funded to start but now we’re officially a 501(c)(3) charitable nonprofit organization, meaning that donations made to us are tax deductible. 

“There’s no such thing as a diary that is too mundane, too personal, or too trivial to us.” Kate Zirkle, Founder of the American Diary Project

Janet: Can you give our readers an idea of the kinds of diaries you are getting? What is the oldest one? What is the most recent? Are there any kinds of diaries you cannot accept?

Kate: In order to get our collection started, I initially took to Ebay, Facebook Marketplace, and local estate sales to procure diaries. Now that we’re established, we no longer purchase diaries—instead, diaries and journals are donated to our collection to preserve. As of March 2024, our oldest diary is from 1859 and our most recent diary is from 2022. Most items in the collection are physical diaries and journals, although we do have a handful of digital copies of diaries so that the owners may retain the physical copies. We also have two large volumes of World War II letters from 1942 to 1945, written by a soldier, Harry, to his sweetheart, Bridget, back home.

Janet: Is there any particular advice you have for people who are contemplating sending their diaries to you? 

Kate: I usually tell folks that they have two options for their personal diaries:

1. Donate what you currently have now to ensure those are added to the collection no matter what.
2. Wait to donate all journals at once.

Either way, folks will want to add a section to their will that outlines their wishes for all journals to be sent to the American Diary Project and then list out this website link: Americandiaryproject.com/donate-diary. This should ensure that the executor of their will can find the most up-to-date donation information even if we move the collection intake location, which we will in the near future. If folks need help creating a will, this is a good resource: Doyourownwill.com

I’d also like to reiterate that the American Diary Project is the diary archive for everyday folks. There’s no such thing as a diary that is too mundane, too personal, or too trivial to us.

“Every story, every experience, every life is worth preserving. Please consider donating your diaries rather than destroying them.” Kate Zirkle

Janet: Can you explain what happens when a diary arrives at your office? What are the steps that take it through to being digitized and/or archived? 

Kate: First and foremost, we do a happy dance—we’re so excited to receive new contributions to the collection! We then unpack and inspect each diary, applying light cleaning if necessary. Then we document the diary in our online database before placing it into archival storage for preservation. We note important characteristics like the year it was written, where it was written, what it looks like, and any additional information we might have about the author. 

As time permits, and even by request of our followers, we also digitize our diaries. We carefully photograph each page of the diary and upload that onto our website. A wonderful volunteer takes it from there, reading through the diary to capture metadata topics and transcribe the diary. We now have many diaries available for the public to read on our website. 

Janet: Are the archives open to the public? Is there (or will there be) a catalogue? 

Kate: Our collection is currently only open to the public digitally on our website. Our long-term goal is to open a physical library for in-person viewing and research.  

Janet: What are some of the most interesting entries you’ve received? The most touching? How about the funniest bits you’ve discovered? 

Kate: We share interesting bits from diaries on our social media accounts: Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn. Three of my favorite diaries are highlighted on our blog:

• Daughter shares what it was like finding her late mother’s diary
  Claire reached out to the American Diary Project to donate her late mother’s diary to the collection. Her mother’s 1980s diary is unique, entertaining, and, at times, heartbreaking. In essence, it is exquisitely human and we are honored to help preserve it. We are immensely grateful to Claire for sharing not only her mother’s diary but her own journey with loss and grief as well.
• Addicted to mischief: The poetic writing of Adelaide Irvine Richter
  This was the very first piece to enter the collection. It ended up being closer to an amateur memoir than a diary but it has such a special story that goes along with it. After we posted a blog about the piece, Adelaide’s nephew, Douglas (Doug) Irvine Richter, got in touch with us to share more information about his amazing aunt Addie. He also said, “God bless you and thank you for sharing the info. Until now I did not know where she was buried. She passed suddenly and I had no one to contact to find out. I always contacted her caregivers through Addie’s email account that went dead when she passed.” It gives me goosebumps to know that we helped Addie’s family find her!
• How reading a stranger’s diary taught me more than a self-help seminar ever could
  This journal is extra special since it came to the American Diary Project from a man who is still among the living, as of December 2022. We keep his identity concealed as much as possible in order to protect his privacy. His diary is filled with ample motivational and self-help material and is a joy to read. The author is still in touch with us to this day. 

Janet: What kind of donations do you accept? Hard copy? Digital only? Is it possible to submit hard copy and then be able to access a digital version later? 

Kate: For donations, we accept diaries in nearly any medium, including those kept in bound journals, notebooks, and even on loose sheets of paper. If you can get it to us, we’re happy to add it to the collection. While we prefer to receive original documents, we also accept copies or scans of diaries, especially if the donor or the diarist would rather hang on to the original. We also accept digital versions of diaries. If a donor or family member of a diarist in our collection requested that we send a physical diary back to them, we absolutely would after verifying their identity and connection. 

Janet: I’m intrigued (and amused) by the description of your volunteers as “an amazingly dedicated and delightfully introverted” group of people. Why introverted? 

Kate: I think there’s something special about folks who choose to spend their free time reading quietly and volunteering for the American Diary Project. It is often a solitary pursuit and naturally something that appeals to introverts. Our volunteers are some of the kindest, and at times quietest, people I’ve ever met. There are no egos, no drama—just a like-minded group of people doing their part to preserve American history. Introverts are amazing! 

Janet: How does copyright work with donated materials? 

Kate: Those who donate diaries to our collection agree to gift the diary/diaries to the American Diary Project to preserve in perpetuity and agree to transfer the copyright of the gifted diary/diaries to the American Diary Project. This is documented via our donation form. 

Janet: How can people help you with this project?  You’re in Cleveland; I’m wondering both what people living in the Cleveland area can do to help, and also if there are ways to help from a distance. 

Kate: There are many ways for folks all across the world to get involved by volunteering for the American Diary Project:

• Write blog posts
• Read diaries to document metadata topics
• Transcribe diaries
• Contribute diaries to the collection
• Spread the word about the project
• Donate archival and business supplies via our Amazon Wish List 

Since we’re a 501(c)(3) nonprofit, we also accept monetary donations to help with our operational expenses. We also have a volunteer-based board of directors and will entertain adding new directors if anyone is interested. 

Janet: Kate, thank you so much for taking the time to answer these questions–and an even bigger thanks to you, and your team of volunteers, for taking on this very important work. I can’t tell you what a relief it was to me to learn that you are out there, solving this problem for me, and for so many others who care about preserving American history, as seen through the eyes of “ordinary” Americans. I hope that people who discover diaries as they are going through the contents of a home will consider sending their diaries to you!

Janet Hulstrand is an American writer, editor, writing coach, and teacher who lives in France. She is coauthor of Moving On: A Practical Guide to Downsizing the Family Home, and author of Demystifying the French: How to Love Them, and Make Them Love You, and A Long Way From Iowa: From the Heartland to the Heart of France. Kate Zirkle is the founder and executive director of the American Diary Project.

“Outer Order, Inner Calm” Sparks Joy for Me

Gretchen Rubin has always been an intriguing author for me because she is thoughtful, practical, and focused on what makes us happy – as she ought to be since her seminal work, The Happiness Project, is a book about exploring what makes Gretchen happy and more agreeable and how we might glean something for our own lives from her journey.

In her newest book, Outer Order, Inner Calm: Declutter and Organize to Make More Room for Happiness, a short look into what works for her and suggestions for what might work for us, Rubin explains her challenges to find more order in a way that is thoughtful and helpful, yes, but also allows for the messiness that is part of life. There is not one way to do this, only different solutions that work for different people.

Here are some of the ways she has found, as the book blurb says, for getting control of the stuff in our lives and making us feel more in control of our lives by getting rid of things we don’t use, or need, or love, so we can free our minds and our homes for what we truly value.

Outer order isn’t a matter of having less or having more. It’s a matter of wanting what we have.

In most situations, we don’t need to make a perfect choice but just a good-enough choice.

People are reluctant to relinquish their possession, so if I think that it might be time to discard an item, I probably should’ve done so already – especially if that thought occurs to me more than once.

Here’s a wonderful explanation of some of the psychic challenges to getting rid of our stuff. The endowment effect: We value things more once we own them. The duration effect: The longer I own a possession, the more precious it becomes, even if it has never been particularly valued.

David Ekerdt, a professor of sociology and gerontology, observed that after age fifty, the chances that a person will divest himself or herself of possessions diminishes with each decade.

Do it now, or decide when you’ll do it.

When trying to make a tough choice, challenge yourself: “Choose the bigger life.” The helpful thing about this question is that it reveals our values.

Does this bring you joy? may be a useful question for some. But for me the question is, Does this energize me?

Someplace, keep an empty shelf or an empty junk drawer. My empty shelf gives me the luxury of space; I have room for more things to come into my life.

Remember love. When it gets to be too much, remember: All this junk is an expression of love.

Outer order is a challenge to impose and it’s a chore to maintain. Nevertheless, for most of us, it’s worth the effort. Especially because it helps us feel good and helps us create an atmosphere of growth.

And inner calm contributes to outer order. When we feel serene, energetic, and focused, that’s when it becomes easier to keep our surroundings in good order. It’s a virtuous cycle.

My possessions aren’t me, that’s true – yet it’s also true that my possessions are me.

When we look at our stuff, we see a reflection of ourselves. We’re happier when that stuff is in good order and includes things that we need, use, and love – because that reflection influences the way we see ourselves.

Thank you, Gretchen Rubin. Your new book echoes some of the themes in our book, Moving On, where we say that when downsizing it’s helps to remember the love that went into accumulating the stuff in the first place.

Linda Hetzer is an editor and author of books on home design, crafts, and food, and coauthor of Moving On: A Practical Guide to Downsizing the Family Home. 

Who Are the Visionary Women in Your Life?

 

In March we celebrate Women’s History Month, an initiative that “will amplify women’s voices to honor the past, inform the present, and inspire the future.” You can read more about the month’s theme here. In recognition of that celebration I would like to pay my respects to several women who have helped me deal with my clutter—and organize my life in countless ways.

Kerri L. Richardson, author of What Your Clutter Is Trying To Tell You, suggests we ask ourselves why we are holding onto some things. Is it because we think we should hold onto them? Do the items speak to the person we think we should be? Other people have posed similar questions but when I read this I had a eureka moment. I have a shelf of a certain type of self-help book, books that I have never read. I always thought I should read them, but never did. After reading Kerri Richardson’s book I decided to get rid of them. At first, I was going to look at each book and choose one to keep and read. Then I decided to just donate all the books to a local charity.

Thank you, Kerri Richardson, for opening my eyes to the futility of should.

Marie Kondo, author of The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up and the driving force behind the Netflix show Tidying Up with Marie Kondo, says to put all your clothes in a pile in the middle of your bed. Well, I didn’t go quite that far but I did put all my socks on the bed, and I have a lot of socks. I’m very particular about my socks, and I have ones for the gym, for walking/hiking, for everyday use, for when I’m more dressed up, and all depend on the weight and thickness and height of the socks. What prompted me to sort through all of them was a struggle each morning to find socks to wear to the gym so I KonMari’d my socks. The single socks went to fabric recycling and some pairs I no longer wear went to a women’s shelter, and the rest are now arranged by type.

Kudos to you, Marie Kondo, for helping me evoke my inner organizer.

Gretchen Rubin, whose newest book is Outer Order, Inner Calm (which I’m looking forward to reading when it comes out later this month), tells a story in an earlier book, Happier at Home, about the way she handled her grandparents’ stuff. She had inherited quite a few items but two ceramic birds reminded her the most of her grandparents. She gave the birds a place of honor, putting them on a shelf in her home office where she could see them every day. Viewing the birds each day helped draw out her warm feelings about her grandparents and she was able to get rid of the other things she had inherited. I thought of that story as I donated my grandparents’ pitcher and washbasin, a set from the 1880s that had been specifically left to me, because I had no place for it and because I had other things that spoke to me more of my grandparents.

My thanks to you, Gretchen Rubin, for passing along the insight that perhaps the best way to honor our parents and grandparents is to keep only certain things that speak to us.

Julie Morganstern, whose first book Organizing from the Inside Out was such a helpful organizing book, the one I read before starting to write Moving On, looks at decluttering as a positive thing to do, a way to gain insight into ourselves, not just as a way to get rid of the material things we have amassed. She says, “Decluttering is a point of entry, an opportunity to discover an attachment, a belief system, an unexpressed part of yourself.”

I’m so grateful to you, Julie Morganstern, for sharing your wisdom about discovering new parts of ourselves.

This is the first day of the month dedicated to women and I have written about four women I’m thankful for. I’m challenging myself to think of one women each day of this month to honor. How about you? Who are the visionary women in your life and which ones are you thankful for?

Linda Hetzer is an editor and author of books on home design, crafts, and food, and coauthor of Moving On: A Practical Guide to Downsizing the Family Home. 

The Joy of Watching Marie Kondo Tidying Up

Marie Kondo has a lot to say about tidying up and many, many people have a lot to say about Marie Kondo, much of it negative. Sometimes what people perceive as wrong or misguided in her approach overshadows the many good points she makes.

People seem to find it hard to embrace the attitude she brings to sorting through our things – does it really have to “spark joy?” – and some even find it difficult to embrace her folding method, reducing everything to tiny squares. Do those things really matter? Or maybe more importantly can we see past what we can’t quite embrace and look at what she does bring to the process of downsizing and decluttering?

I enjoyed the Netflix series and found certain themes emerging as each family Marie Kondo worked with struggled with their stuff. Here is some of what Kondo brings to this quest.

Marie Kondo has a respect, for…well, for everything…the people she’s working with, the stuff they have, and the home they live in. She is not judgmental about what people have saved or how they have stored it and she’s not the least critical of the people who have saved all this stuff. She doesn’t begrudge anyone anything. No judgment, just a gentle nudge to be more mindful of what we have.

As well as respect, Kondo offers her clients encouragement as they decide what they need and what they can toss. There is a meme going around, a bit mean at times, that she “allows” people to keep only 30 books, something that would be just about impossible for most of us. Much ink has been spilled, including on this blog, about a statement that Kondo never made. What she said was that she honed her personal library to 30 books (and that number probably does not include her kids’ books) and suggests that people decide if a book is necessary, if it interests you, if it needs a place in your home.

Her request to her clients to pile all their clothes on the bed, a suggestion which took me aback at first, is a way to see the abundance in our lives. In a small way, I have used this technique. A few years ago, I sorted through my necklaces (and, yes, I have too many). I purchased two organizers, not meant for jewelry but for neckties, and hung the necklaces on them. It was valuable to me to see everything in one pile as I chose which ones to keep and which  to donate. And having them all hanging together in one place makes life better in two ways: it’s easier to choose which necklace to wear and it serves as a constant reminder that I don’t need to acquire any more.

Kondo shows a great reverence for the things in our lives. She gets acquainted with the home in an almost prayerful way, she taps on books to awaken them (isn’t it lovely to think that our favorite characters are waking up), she asks people to thank their clothes – all features very Eastern in thinking, coming most likely from her Shinto background. Many in the everything-is-disposable, everything-is replaceable West think it’s a bit hokey but valuing each object makes us more aware of what we have and ultimately what we want to keep in our life. To help us on the way to a reverent or more centered stance, Kondo suggests taking a deep breath, opening the window to let in fresh air, and creating pleasant sounds, whether that’s a gong or a chant or our favorite Beatles album. (We did recommend in our book to declutter with music to make the task more enjoyable!)

Asking her clients to thank each piece of clothing, each book, each object is a way of pointing out the gratitude we want to have for the things in our lives. It was poignant to see how moving it was for people to thank their stuff; they were affected by it, sometimes expressing nostalgia, sometimes almost wistful, but ultimately more able to let go of the items. Her clients’ struggle has made me try to be less judgmental of other people, either of their stuff or their way of organizing (or their lack of organizing) it.

Kondo says it’s important to have a vision and to communicate that vision to your home. Having too many ties to our childhood can make it harder to be an adult, she says; that’s interesting to ponder. Catastrophizing, what if I need this, is fear, she says, and fear is not a reason to hang onto things. For me Kondo’s question to one of the family members is brilliant: “Is this something you want to bring with you into the future?” That question gives me a new perspective, a new way to look at my stuff.

Kondo’s definition of “sparking joy” says that joy includes anything that serves you well, whether it is an melon baller sitting in your kitchen drawer and used only in the summer or a favorite wool sweater that keeps you warm in the winter only. Recently a friend sorted through her books (yet again) and had piles in her living room for friends to choose from. There were many she had read and was ready to let go of and many she had not yet read and had decided – she made this decision herself – that they did not spark enough interest to keep them on her bookshelves. The joy for my friend is in the warmth of the home, the ease of living in it, and the ability to make our own choices about her books.

What does decluttering do? It makes more room in your home, it makes it easier to find things, and it simplifies your life. Julie Morganstern, author of Shed Your Stuff, Change Your Life, says “Organizing is what you do to settle down. Decluttering is what you do to grow.” And, perhaps most importantly, as Marie Kondo says, decluttering is a way “to understand what is most important in your life.”

“The most important part of this process of tidying is to always think about what you have and about the discovery of your sense of value, what you value that is important.”

Thank you, Marie Kondo. Well said.

 

Linda Hetzer is an editor and author of books on home design, crafts, and food, and coauthor of Moving On: A Practical Guide to Downsizing the Family Home. 

A Year-End Retrospective

Is there anything good to report about 2018? We easily remember the horrendous events that made the headlines in the past year but I, and maybe you too, find it a bit difficult to think about the good things that happened.

For Downsizing The Home, our posts were a mixed bag of looking at the positive as we declutter but also acknowledging the parts that didn’t go quite as planned. What stays with me is the quote from Madeleine L’Engle, It is the ability to choose which makes us human. I have chosen to downsize some of my life while leaving much of it undisturbed (as of yet, anyway).

Here are some of the topics we shared in our blog.

It’s all just stuff.

And while that is to a large degree true, as Janet said, she has been thinking a bit lately about when it is NOT true. Sometimes it’s really not “all just stuff. Sometimes it is the stuff that holds our memories together, and makes our houses homes. Some of it is documentation of the lives we’ve lived.”

If it is all just stuff then it’s precious stuff for a hoarder-friend of ours. Although some of what was in her home was junk, much of it was in good condition and could be donated. It was an important task that a friend and I took on, and one we were honored to perform, to separate the good from the bad, so to speak, and make sure the good things found a new home.

There is joy in decluttering.

“Start where you are,” said Arthur Ashe and I did. I cleaned out my kitchen cabinets and my junk draw and kept some items, gave others to my kids, and donated what was left. Now I have cabinets where I can actually see what I have and where I don’t have to pull out 4 or 5 or 6 things to get at the one I want. What a joy. And it’s so much easier to work in the kitchen.

“Start where you are,” said Arthur Ashe and Janet did. She’s been chronicling, in a series of posts, the challenge she set for herself to empty her storage unit. You can follow along in our blog to see her progress and also to see the dilemmas she’s faced.

We can do better.

As Janet noted, she suspects that not many people are aware of the magnitude of the problem of too much clothing going into landfills. Earth 911 reports that “the EPA estimates that Americans discarded over 14 million tons of textiles in 2010…about 28,000,000,000 pounds of clothing that could have been reused or recycled – every year.” This is where clothing recycling comes in, something we have written about often.

We may not advocate minimalism per se (that’s hard for “the keeper” in me) but we need to heed the words of Joshua Becker of Becoming Minimalist, who says, “Desiring less is even more valuable than owning less.” We need to rethink our compulsion to own and learn to see the wisdom of simplicity in our lives.

We are all much the same, we are all human.

Those who help us in our quest to declutter are just like us. Alison Lush said, “During the classes I was taking, while learning how to work successfully as an organizer, I was personally affected. My understanding of the power of my possessions, and my relationship with my possessions started to change. I realized that I had a lot to gain by becoming my own first client.” A born cluttlerbug,” she has “successfully reprogrammed myself and changed my environment quite dramatically. I am therefore truly convinced that many other people are capable of this as well. I am very enthusiastic for them!”

As we continue decluttering, we look to the future.

Taking a look at our stuff, especially the stuff that holds meaning for us, is the time to think about where it will go after us and how we’ll accomplish that. We learned how downsizing and decluttering can lead to thoughts of the future and how writing a Legacy Letter or Ethical Will helps us sort out our feelings about our things. “Writing a Legacy Letter is an act of love, a means of conveying that love and caring into the recipient’s future and for future generations. It is an inheritance more valuable than money,” says Amy Paul, president of Heirloom Words.

May each day of the New Year bring you joy and health and less cluttered closets.

 

Linda Hetzer is an editor and author of books on home design, crafts, and food, and coauthor of Moving On: A Practical Guide to Downsizing the Family Home. 

Downsizing: Do Habits Have a Greater Impact than Goals?

 

I read some intriguing posts this week about habits.

James Clear, a productivity expert who uses behavioral science to help people optimize their habits (see his newsletter), in discussion with author Jay Papasan, talked about motivation. He says, “The key hypothesis is that habits offer a way to control our lives and that having this control supports motivation for making positive change.”

He goes on to say that in many cases people assume that what they lack is motivation, when what they really lack is clarity.

“We often focus on the achievement, but in fact, the way that we ever get anywhere is through some kind of repeated action or system… I like to think about it as the system supports the habits that will help you achieve the goal.” That’s worth thinking about: the habits become the system that will help you achieve the goal.

“The question then is, what if you just completely forgot about the goal [and] just focus on the system?…Would you still get results? I think you would.”

So rather than focus on having a clean closet, for example, you set up habits like sorting through each item of clothing on a regular basis. As we say in our book, break down the goal into manageable tasks.

Jeremy Dean, psychologist and author of Making Habits, Breaking Habits: How We Do Things, Why We Don’t, and How to Make Any Change Stick, explains how to take charge of your brain to make any change stick.

He has a plan he calls WOOP: Wish, Outcome, Obstacle, Plan

“Write down the wish, the habit you want to achieve, then the best outcome of the habit, then the obstacles you are likely to face. Then make a specific plan.”

So look at your wish, to clean our your closet, and the obstacles to achieving it. Too tired to do it after work? Schedule a time with yourself that works for you, a time you can stick with.

Sonja Lyubomirsky is a psychologist and author of The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want, a guide to understanding the elements of happiness.

She says many different activities have been consistently shown to improve how we feel day to day.

“One habit which has been shown to increase well-being is savoring: reining your mind back in and forcing it to focus on the good things in life.”

Perhaps in focusing on our closet, we can be grateful for the abundance in our lives while, at the same time, realize we can pass along clothes we no longer use to those who could use them.

So create a double habit: we can focus on what’s good in our lives and contribute to the lives of others.

Linda Hetzer is an editor and author of books on home design, crafts, and food, and coauthor of Moving On: A Practical Guide to Downsizing the Family Home. 

Keeping Memories and Sharing Wisdom: Writing a Legacy Letter

Amy Paul, president of Heirloom Words, is a former corporate attorney who switched careers to work in the non-profit world. She was Executive Director of two non-profit organizations that assisted older individuals. She has a Geriatric Scholar Certificate from the Consortium of NY Geriatric Education Centers and is a trained as a mediator. Amy has been devoted to community improvement projects all her life.

 

I met Amy when I attended one of her workshops and was eager to learn more about her take on sharing your wisdom and values with your family members.

 

Linda: So Amy, let’s start with the obvious: What is a Legacy Letter? What is an Ethical Will? Are they the same and, if not, what are the differences?

Amy: The term, Ethical Will, is a writing tradition in which the author expresses his/her life wisdom, love and life values with a loved one with the intention that it serve as a future guide, inspiration and support. The term recognizes the historical genesis of this practice, which comes from the Old Testament and was carried forward in the New Testament. The term, Legacy Letter, serves the same function as the Ethical Will, but is conceived outside any particular religious or historical foundation.

A Legacy Letter is a written document in which your life lessons, wisdom, family history and love are conveyed as a guide and source of comfort to your loved ones as a legacy for future generations.

Linda: How did you get interested in this and what was your path to your current enterprise?

Amy: I have worked as an advocate on behalf of older individuals for over 10 years. In addition, I was a caregiver for my elderly parents. As my parents got older, I drew upon my experience with older individuals and activities that they enjoyed, and I engaged my father in writing his memoir. This proved to be an uplifting experience for my dad and my family received the memoir as a ‘treasure’ for themselves and future generations. I started to research into both memoir and alternative options that could offer similar benefits. That’s when I learned about Ethical Wills/Legacy Letters.

Linda: You mentioned the history of Ethical Wills is religious. Is writing a Legacy Letter a relatively new phenomenon or have people been writing them for ages and it’s just new to those of us who weren’t familiar with them?

Amy: Ethical Wills were a strong tradition for hundreds of years in western society, but it was lost as a common practice in the most recent centuries. The practice has recently been revived, in part because current social science research strongly suggests that it offers benefits to both the author and the recipient.

Linda: How do you start a letter? What should your aim be?

Amy: As a starting point, I suggest you decide to whom you wish to write, and if you will write one letter to your entire family or you will write a different letter to each individual. That decision will help you to think about how to write the letter.

Linda: Sometimes in my talks about downsizing and end-of-life issues, I suggest that people make a simple letter listing which possessions are important to them, such as a piece of jewelry, a painting, or grandmother’s china, explain what the item means to them, and why they want it to go to a particular person in their life. It seems easier to me to begin with an object and work towards an emotion then to delve into emotions at the start. When you teach your workshops, what are some tips you give for starting a letter to those who are reluctant to write one? Or have trouble starting one?

Amy: If people have trouble starting to write, I encourage them to review their own values/life priorities before they start writing. Typically, I distribute select ‘memory prompts’ and ‘values prompts’ to help them start writing on a blank page. Some people use the technique of mind mapping, too. A mind map is a diagram used to visually organize information. The map is hierarchical and shows relationships among pieces of the whole.

People who are downsizing, as you mention, and facing an impact on their memories by getting rid of items, might be especially helped by writing a Legacy Letter as something tangible to hold onto.

In addition, I encourage folks to think about some of their favorite music, books, and movies to see if there are particular common themes or values that resonant within these cultural memories. In this regard, I often have some ‘interview time’ with them to discuss the life lessons that have made them who they are. This kind of reminiscing helps folks to get started.

There is no right or wrong way to do this, it involves whatever gets you thinking about the life lessons and values that have brought meaning to your life.

Linda: How important is a Legacy Letter? What is its purpose? How should we as the writer of one see ourselves and see the task?

Amy: Writing Legacy Letter is an act of love, a means of conveying that love and caring into the recipient’s future and for future generations. It is an inheritance more valuable than money.

Linda: Since women, now as well as historically, are the keepers of stuff and the passers-on of memories, I was wondering if most of the people who attend your workshops and engage your help in writing a Legacy Letter are women? If so, what are your thoughts on getting more men involved in the process.

Amy: That’s a great question. Most of the people interested in this topic appear to be women. That said, I was invited and gave a talk to a group of semi-retired/retired men, a total of about 75 people, last year and their response was very positive.

Overall, I have had about an average of 25 percent men in the talks thus far and those who attend seem extremely interested in making an Ethical Will. Often they attend because their wives encourage them to attend the session together. But, I think that my numbers are largely due to the fact that women are more easily accessed for me. That is, my contacts come from and through community groups – religious groups, senior programs, organizational groups – and those tend to be largely women. So, I don’t have any greater insight into this, i.e. why do women seek out information through community and why do they seek out socialization through community?

But men have written books on Ethical Wills. See especially Barry Baines’ Ethical Wills: Putting Your Values on Paper. Baines, along with Jack Riemer, are strongly associated with the modern advent of Ethical Wills.

Linda: What are the benefits to the writer of a Legacy Letter? What are the benefits to the recipient of a Legacy Letter?

Amy: Both the author and recipient of a Legacy Letter attain important benefits by writing a Legacy Letter, which Dr. Andrew Weill has said is a ‘spiritual gift of well being.’ The author can get a broad sense of the meaning of his/her life and the values that were meaningful. In addition, the author can give or get forgiveness as well as get a sense of existence beyond mortality, each offering important closure on what may be festering concerns. Writing a Legacy Letter is a profoundly satisfying experience. It is a life-affirming way to express and embrace your life experience.

For recipients, benefits include a sense of being loved, inspiration for difficult times, an enhanced personal identity, and hope for the future. Legacy Letters also help recipients to keep the spirit of a loved one strong as a source of comfort in the future.

There is a fair amount of research about writing ethical wills and on the importance of reminiscence therapy, of which life review like this is one activity.

Linda: When do you give the letter to the recipient? Or do you leave it with your will for them to read after you have passed on?

Amy: While these documents (and they can be in audio or video tape form as well) are often part of estate papers, they are also given on life milestones like graduations, 21^st birthdays, and other occasions.

Linda: Is there a way to see samples of Legacy Letters?

Amy: You can check the Internet for examples. Also, there are many books that include a sampling of Ethical Wills and Legacy Letters, such as the Barry Baines’ book mentioned above. But, please remember that these Letters are most powerful to the intended recipient, within the context of the relationship. Sometimes, outside the relationship of the writer/recipient the Letters might read like a typical or ordinary story; however, within the relationship when the love and caring are personally brought into the reading of the letter it becomes a most powerful document.

Linda: Why write a Legacy Letter? What is the most compelling reason to write a letter to your family or friends?

Amy: In this digital and highly mobile age, we may find ourselves having fewer and fewer human conversations and know less about our family histories and values. Yet, human contact and family connectedness is an important foundation for life. The Legacy Letter is a vehicle to help preserve this human connectedness and, in many instances if provided during the author’s lifetime, can serve to open impactful conversation on a wide array of topics between author and recipient. One need not be wealthy to leave this legacy – it is truly an inheritance more valuable than money.

Thank you, Amy.

Linda Hetzer is an editor and author of books on home design, crafts, and food, and coauthor of Moving On: A Practical Guide to Downsizing the Family Home.