My five favorite books about downsizing

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Here, in no particular order (because it depends on what you’re looking for at any one time, and to be honest, I don’t like rating things numerically) are my five favorite books about downsizing and decluttering.

Year of No Clutter: A Memoir by Eve Schaub. Here’s what I said about the book when I first wrote about it. “With refreshing–even brave–honesty, with sensitivity and self-deprecating wit, Eve tells the story of how that year went, and how her family helped her–more or less–achieve her goal. Her book is not only entertaining–in fact, often laugh-out-loud funny–and deeply insightful, it is full of practical ideas that will be helpful for the keepers of this world who are trying to talk themselves into getting rid of things, and the loved ones who are either helping them, or looking on in horror and trying not to interrupt.” For my interview with Eve, click here.

Clutter: An Untidy History, by Jennifer Howard. This book is a recent publication, and here’s what I said about it when I reviewed it last month: “,,,a wonderful new book for anyone who is interested in the topic of emptying an extremely cluttered family home, especially for those who have not only a practical, but an intellectual interest in it. It is, among other things, a fascinating and very thorough study of the history of clutter… It is also a personal memoir that recounts the author’s own experience of emptying her mother’s home of ’50 years worth of detritus,’ a process that she describes (bravely, and honestly) with words such as ‘disgust’ and ‘horror.’..She asks, and attempts to answer, a number of key questions about cluttering and hoarding (and never loses sight of the fact that these are not interchangeable terms). One of the key questions she asks is, whose fault is it?” You can read the rest of my review here.

No Thanks Mom! The Top Ten Things Your Kids DO NOT Want (and what to do with them) by Elizabeth Stewart. This author brings her expertise in appraising art and antiques to discussing the by now pretty well known “generation gap” between baby boomers and their millennial offspring when it comes to what to do with all those precious family heirlooms. She also shares her personal experience of running up against that same generation gap in her own family when she discovered to her chagrin that all the special things she had been saving for her son were truly not wanted! The sub-subtitle gives a clue as to why this book is so valuable in terms of practical advice. You can read my interview with Elizabeth here.

Can’t We Talk About Something More Pleasant? by Roz Chast. This book is not strictly about downsizing and decluttering, though there’s plenty about those topics in it, and as always Roz Chast has a way of making me (and millions of others) smile ruefully about all those things that life offers to be rueful about. My coauthor reviewed this book, along with several others, focusing on the caregiver aspect of the book. You can read her review here.

Moving On: A Practical Guide to Downsizing the Family Home by Linda Hetzer and Janet Hulstrand (yes, that’s me!) I was definitely brought up to not “toot my own horn,” but really how could I not include my (our) book on this list? First published in 2004, with an updated e-book edition published in 2013, our book was one of the first to tackle this topic in the comprehensive way we did, and to say something besides “just get rid of it.” 🙂 And although some things have changed in the years since we first published it, we’ve been told by those who have used it in their own families that one of the strengths of our book remains a kind of timeless wisdom as well as helpful, practical tips that offer ways for what we call the “keepers” and the “throwers” of this world to find common ground and maintain mutual respect as they seek to “get rid of the stuff, keep the memories, maintain family peace, and get on with [their lives].”

Janet Hulstrand is a writer, editor, writing coach, and teacher. She is coauthor of Moving On: A Practical Guide to Downsizing the Family Home and author of Demystifying the French: How to Love Them, and Make Them Love You. 

Book Review: Clutter: An Untidy History by Jennifer Howard

Clutter: An Untidy History, by Jennifer Howard, is a wonderful new book for anyone who is interested in the topic of emptying an extremely cluttered family home, especially for those who have not only a practical, but an intellectual interest in it.

It is, among other things, a fascinating and very thorough study of the history of clutter, including what the author sees as one of the primary sources of this phenomenon–which has come into full bloom in the late 20th and early 21st centuries–back in Victorian England.

It is also a personal memoir that recounts her own experience of emptying her mother’s home of “50 years worth of detritus,” a process that she describes (bravely, and honestly) with words such as “disgust” and “horror.” At one point she sums up her emotional state in facing that challenge as being “overwhelmed, angry, and utterly unprepared.”

The author asks, and attempts to answer, a number of key questions about cluttering and hoarding (and never loses sight of the fact that these are not interchangeable terms). One of the key questions she asks is, whose fault is it? And throughout the book she stresses that although to some degree our personal habits for dealing with the inevitable mounting of clutter in our homes is an important factor for which each of us bears some individual responsibility, she also points out that some of these problems are really systemic–problems inherent to the capitalistic emphasis on consumption, and in fact, overconsumption.

In the last two chapters of the book she asks an even more important question, which is, what are we (all!) going to do about that problem, which is not individual, or family-based. It is global, and it is a very serious problem. The author is very clear about this. “Saving the planet and freeing ourselves from clutter go hand in hand,” she says at one point.

One of the things I liked best about this book was the author’s approach to the topic of hoarding, and especially her attitude toward TV shows like Hoarders, which have always bothered me. “These are not gentle interventions, but exercises in making private shames public,” she writes. She speaks to a number of experts on the topic, and goes to a conference sponsored by the Philadelphia Task Force on Hoarding, where she hears a speaker who has himself struggled with hoarding and now helps others suffering from this condition. “To see clutter as an expression of pain recasts the reveal-and-shame attitude popularized in news stories and reality TV shows,” Howard writes. “As [the speaker] said … for someone with hoarding disorder, the essential question isn’t ‘How did you let it get to this?’ but ‘What pain are we trying to handle? How do we figure out where that pain is coming from and how we decide to deal with it?'” This attitude is both more intelligent and much more compassionate toward what is often seen as behavior to be scorned, ridiculed, mocked. It is also almost certainly a more effective approach to actually solving the problem.

I also found the author’s comments about Marie Kondo interesting. I personally am quite skeptical about the whole “spark joy” approach, as I have written about before. And I must say, my skepticism skyrocketed when, after convincing her audience to empty their homes of mountains of stuff in plastic trash bags, Kondo introduced her own line of products that people could buy. (I thought we were supposed to be getting rid of all that extraneous stuff?!)

Howard, however, while not completely convinced, is more willing to give credit where credit is due, and to actually try out the method. “I did not subject my own house to the full KonMari treatment,” she says. “But my daughter and I did pile all our clothes on our beds…and had fun holding everything up and saying ‘Does it spark joy?'” And she adds, “The domestic changes that ensued, while not dramatic, have persisted, somewhat to my surprise.” (My coauthor tried this tactic also, with her abundant collection of necklaces, and reported on it here. )

Howard is a reporter, and her journalistic expertise is responsible for the depth and comprehensiveness of this approach to a subject that is all too often glossed over in a variety of ways. The book is richly researched: she speaks to psychologists, professional organizers, junk haulers, and firefighters among other professionals, as well as friends and colleagues, and she digs deep to make sense of it all.

She also reads voraciously, reports on what she has read, adds her own interesting analyses, and has provided an extensive bibiliography. (One of my few regrets about this book is that it doesn’t have an index. An index would be really useful in a book so packed with interesting and substantive detail that at least this reader is going to want to return to it again and again.)

In addition to all this, in telling her own story, she has imbedded much very useful, practical information that could be helpful to anyone going through this now very common experience.

She also offers interesting thoughts about various ways that we might, as a society, better address the mountain of stuff we’re currently drowning in. One of these harkens back to Victorian England which, though that may be where much of the massive overconsumption began in the first place, can also offer ideas about how to deal with all the stuff we’ve created. “Victorian Britain sustained a network of ‘street-finders,’ scavengers and peddlers who collected, traded, and sold everything from rags and bones to bottles and scrap metal and coal ash,” she writes. “Imagine what contemporary city life would be like if people regularly came down your street and offered to swap for or buy up your castoffs, sparing you the trouble of a drive to the dump–and giving you a bit of extra money in the bargain.”

Despite the heaviness of the topic, the book is a delight to read: I breezed through it in a few hours, and found it hard to put down. Deftly weaving all that research in with highly relatable anecdotes and thoughtful reflection, Howard has written a book well worth reading, whether you are a “keeper” or a “thrower.”

Janet Hulstrand is a writer, editor, writing coach, and teacher. She is coauthor of Moving On: A Practical Guide to Downsizing the Family Home and author of Demystifying the French: How to Love Them, and Make Them Love You. 

Getting It Right

Although right means exact, precise, correct, in the world of decluttering, right is a relative word. It means different things to different people and to different families.

Shortly after we published our book, Moving On: A Practical Guide to Downsizing the Family Home, someone published a book with Rightsizing in the title rather than Downsizing and to me that made perfect sense.

So how do we get it right – right for ourselves and our families?

Start small.

Start with just one item that you can get rid of, whether you try to sell it, donate it, or just plain give it away. Then choose a second item. Take small, very small steps.

Remind yourself you are not a storage unit.

We hold onto things that other people gave us, that belonged to family members, that don’t quite fit, that aren’t quite our style, that we may use one day, that we can’t possibly give away… We hold onto a lot of stuff. Give some thought to the items for which you have excuses. Maybe those are the things that can go.

Live for today.

You don’t need too many things in your home that remind you of the past – even if they belonged to your family. You don’t need too many items that reference of the future – that refer to a person you aspire to be rather than the person you are today. And you don’t need to keep stuff for the person you once were or for the job you once had or from the relationship you were once in. What things do you need for the life you live today?

Be you.

Not everything has to be minimized. It’s not about having fewer things; it’s about having the right things. For some of us, that is books, for others it’s pots and pans and spices, for still others it’s a DVD collection of classic movies, for some it’s a big yarn stash, for others it’s stylish clothing. Being you is about having just enough things and learning to feel that you already have enough. It’s about having less of the things that don’t move you forward and more of the things you love.

Enjoy your stories.

Whether you keep an item or give it away, an important part of the process is to tell stories about it. What meaning does it have in your family? Who were you with when you wore that outfit? When did you purchase that thing and why? Tell those stories. After giving away some of your stuff are you feeling disappointed? Do you feel a bit of regret? Tell those stories, too. Stories help keep alive the stuff that has meaning whether you have kept the item or given it away. Stories help make it right.

What can you get rid of today that makes it right for you?

Linda Hetzer is an editor and author of books on home design, crafts, and food, and coauthor of Moving On: A Practical Guide to Downsizing the Family Home. 

Reading About Downsizing During Quarantine

There are of course many things you could read during a period of quarantine, and happily many people are using this opportunity to do so.

There are also many things one could be doing during such a period, especially things related to the process of decluttering and downsizing. I wrote recently about some of those things here.

And there are lots of books about downsizing that you could read when you need a break from the actual doing of it. Here are a few of my favorites:

Can We Talk About Something More Pleasant? (Roz Chast) 

Caring for Your Family Treasures: Heritage Preservation (Jane S. Long)

No Thanks, Mom (Elizabeth Stewart)

A Year of No Clutter (Eve O. Schaub)

Stuff: Compulsive Hoarding and the Meaning of things (Randy Frost and Gail Steketee) 

There’s also a new, and very interesting book out now: Secondhand: Travels in the Global Garage Sale, by Adam Minter.  

Of course, my coauthor and I hope you will also consider buying our book. The latest version is the e-book, which you can buy here.

Stay safe, stay well, happy reading, and happy downsizing!

Janet Hulstrand is a writer, editor, writing coach, and teacher. She is coauthor of Moving On: A Practical Guide to Downsizing the Family Home and author of Demystifying the French: How to Love Them, and Make Them Love You. 

What Matters

Bryant Park, New York City

An update on our situation seems unnecessary since the virus dominates the news these days. Being alone, or alone with our significant other, becomes a time to ponder, to wonder about life, and to think about what matters.

Here are some of the things that matter to me.

Helping others. I continue to be in awe of the people who offer services to those in need, to buy and deliver food, to pick up medication, to run errands. Very selfless, and so needed. Many of us are trying to help support local businesses, those still open for pick up and delivery only. We want them to stay in business, to make it through this difficult time and to be here when we’re able to be out and about again.

Offering support. Every night, promptly at 7 pm, neighbors everywhere hang out their windows or step outside their buildings to clap for the healthcare workers. At first my inner curmudgeon came out and I said why clap, why not send masks and other PPE. But now I realize how bonding this applause is. We’re in this together.

An amazing number of people do make masks to donate and many people donate money to the various charities that help support the helpers. This week the groundskeepers at Bryant Park, adjacent to the New York Public Library, mowed a heart in the grassy center of the park, as a tribute to the first responders. How wonderful is that.

Being distracted. Or being focused. Sometimes one, sometimes the other, whichever works for you in the moment. For the first couple of weeks, I worked out to an exercise class on Zoom every day (you can see that didn’t last long) and I’ve also taken classes in literation and in popular culture.

Teleconferencing platforms allow me to continue to meet with my women’s groups weekly as well as participate in my book club and in one of the boards I’m on. Jigsaw puzzles take focus and are wonderfully distracting, a good combination. And I read. I realized that I probably have enough books to keep me busy for the rest of my life (when it comes to books, no decluttering or downsizing here), and that’s comforting. To quote Louise Penny about one of her characters, “Stories lined the walls and both insulated [me] from the outside world and connected [me] to it.”

Having hope. Staying put is hard but we’re all in this together. So grateful for the many helpers. So grateful for friends and family and keeping in touch. So grateful for a moment to pause. May we all have the hope and the vision to see a new world, one where compassion and caring are more important than “getting and spending” (to quote Wordsworth).

Be safe. Be healthy. Be kind.

Linda Hetzer is an editor and author of books on home design, crafts, and food, and coauthor of Moving On: A Practical Guide to Downsizing the Family Home. 

Something I Thought I Would Never Say…

A couple of months ago my daughter stopped by to borrow a couple of books to take with her on her vacation. She was very specific about what she wanted: a serious nonfiction book, something she could learn from, and a lighter book, a beach read maybe, and preferably something that was funny or light-hearted.

The nonfiction book she had in mind was a book that I had given away, miraculously perhaps, but I do get rid of books from time to time.

I started looking on the bookshelves between the living room and the dining room and pulled down some books I thought might meet her requirements.

Then I went into my bedroom where there are two bookshelves, one that takes up most of one wall. Again, I took down a few books.

My night table has only three books on it, ones that I am supposedly reading, but not really, because I don’t read in bed that much anymore. But there is a pile of about a dozen books on the floor next to my bed, a pile that is my “to read” list, and much too large and cumbersome to sit on the night table. Again I chose some books.

My daughter went through the books asking about the ones I had read and the ones I had planned to read. After much discussion, she wasn’t really happy with any of the choices. We ended up loading a few books onto my Kindle, including the nonfiction book she had come looking for, and she took that with her.

Now I had several piles of books in my living room that needed to go back to their respective shelves. Or did they? As my daughter and I had talked about the books, I realized that many of them that I had planned to read no longer really interested me.

I have written about purging my books shelves before, here and here. But more recently I wrote about emptying my closet completely in order to have repair work done. The empty closet was an inspiration. The idea of starting with an empty space (or an empty bookshelf) and working to put back what I wanted to keep rather than taking out what I wanted to give away was so liberating.

What if I got rid of, donated, all of my books, and just brought back in the ones that really have meaning for me. The lure of completely empty bookshelves (well, empty except for multiple copies of books I’ve written and my mother’s childhood books – I’m already qualifying what I’m willing to get rid of) was compelling.

Empty bookshelves. What an appealing thought. That’s something I thought I would never say. I haven’t gotten rid of any books yet. But the idea intrigues me. I’m not sure how this will play out but I’ll keep you posted.

Linda Hetzer is an editor and author of books on home design, crafts, and food, and coauthor of Moving On: A Practical Guide to Downsizing the Family Home. 

Who Are the Visionary Women in Your Life?

 

In March we celebrate Women’s History Month, an initiative that “will amplify women’s voices to honor the past, inform the present, and inspire the future.” You can read more about the month’s theme here. In recognition of that celebration I would like to pay my respects to several women who have helped me deal with my clutter—and organize my life in countless ways.

Kerri L. Richardson, author of What Your Clutter Is Trying To Tell You, suggests we ask ourselves why we are holding onto some things. Is it because we think we should hold onto them? Do the items speak to the person we think we should be? Other people have posed similar questions but when I read this I had a eureka moment. I have a shelf of a certain type of self-help book, books that I have never read. I always thought I should read them, but never did. After reading Kerri Richardson’s book I decided to get rid of them. At first, I was going to look at each book and choose one to keep and read. Then I decided to just donate all the books to a local charity.

Thank you, Kerri Richardson, for opening my eyes to the futility of should.

Marie Kondo, author of The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up and the driving force behind the Netflix show Tidying Up with Marie Kondo, says to put all your clothes in a pile in the middle of your bed. Well, I didn’t go quite that far but I did put all my socks on the bed, and I have a lot of socks. I’m very particular about my socks, and I have ones for the gym, for walking/hiking, for everyday use, for when I’m more dressed up, and all depend on the weight and thickness and height of the socks. What prompted me to sort through all of them was a struggle each morning to find socks to wear to the gym so I KonMari’d my socks. The single socks went to fabric recycling and some pairs I no longer wear went to a women’s shelter, and the rest are now arranged by type.

Kudos to you, Marie Kondo, for helping me evoke my inner organizer.

Gretchen Rubin, whose newest book is Outer Order, Inner Calm (which I’m looking forward to reading when it comes out later this month), tells a story in an earlier book, Happier at Home, about the way she handled her grandparents’ stuff. She had inherited quite a few items but two ceramic birds reminded her the most of her grandparents. She gave the birds a place of honor, putting them on a shelf in her home office where she could see them every day. Viewing the birds each day helped draw out her warm feelings about her grandparents and she was able to get rid of the other things she had inherited. I thought of that story as I donated my grandparents’ pitcher and washbasin, a set from the 1880s that had been specifically left to me, because I had no place for it and because I had other things that spoke to me more of my grandparents.

My thanks to you, Gretchen Rubin, for passing along the insight that perhaps the best way to honor our parents and grandparents is to keep only certain things that speak to us.

Julie Morganstern, whose first book Organizing from the Inside Out was such a helpful organizing book, the one I read before starting to write Moving On, looks at decluttering as a positive thing to do, a way to gain insight into ourselves, not just as a way to get rid of the material things we have amassed. She says, “Decluttering is a point of entry, an opportunity to discover an attachment, a belief system, an unexpressed part of yourself.”

I’m so grateful to you, Julie Morganstern, for sharing your wisdom about discovering new parts of ourselves.

This is the first day of the month dedicated to women and I have written about four women I’m thankful for. I’m challenging myself to think of one women each day of this month to honor. How about you? Who are the visionary women in your life and which ones are you thankful for?

Linda Hetzer is an editor and author of books on home design, crafts, and food, and coauthor of Moving On: A Practical Guide to Downsizing the Family Home. 

The Joy of Watching Marie Kondo Tidying Up

Marie Kondo has a lot to say about tidying up and many, many people have a lot to say about Marie Kondo, much of it negative. Sometimes what people perceive as wrong or misguided in her approach overshadows the many good points she makes.

People seem to find it hard to embrace the attitude she brings to sorting through our things – does it really have to “spark joy?” – and some even find it difficult to embrace her folding method, reducing everything to tiny squares. Do those things really matter? Or maybe more importantly can we see past what we can’t quite embrace and look at what she does bring to the process of downsizing and decluttering?

I enjoyed the Netflix series and found certain themes emerging as each family Marie Kondo worked with struggled with their stuff. Here is some of what Kondo brings to this quest.

Marie Kondo has a respect, for…well, for everything…the people she’s working with, the stuff they have, and the home they live in. She is not judgmental about what people have saved or how they have stored it and she’s not the least critical of the people who have saved all this stuff. She doesn’t begrudge anyone anything. No judgment, just a gentle nudge to be more mindful of what we have.

As well as respect, Kondo offers her clients encouragement as they decide what they need and what they can toss. There is a meme going around, a bit mean at times, that she “allows” people to keep only 30 books, something that would be just about impossible for most of us. Much ink has been spilled, including on this blog, about a statement that Kondo never made. What she said was that she honed her personal library to 30 books (and that number probably does not include her kids’ books) and suggests that people decide if a book is necessary, if it interests you, if it needs a place in your home.

Her request to her clients to pile all their clothes on the bed, a suggestion which took me aback at first, is a way to see the abundance in our lives. In a small way, I have used this technique. A few years ago, I sorted through my necklaces (and, yes, I have too many). I purchased two organizers, not meant for jewelry but for neckties, and hung the necklaces on them. It was valuable to me to see everything in one pile as I chose which ones to keep and which  to donate. And having them all hanging together in one place makes life better in two ways: it’s easier to choose which necklace to wear and it serves as a constant reminder that I don’t need to acquire any more.

Kondo shows a great reverence for the things in our lives. She gets acquainted with the home in an almost prayerful way, she taps on books to awaken them (isn’t it lovely to think that our favorite characters are waking up), she asks people to thank their clothes – all features very Eastern in thinking, coming most likely from her Shinto background. Many in the everything-is-disposable, everything-is replaceable West think it’s a bit hokey but valuing each object makes us more aware of what we have and ultimately what we want to keep in our life. To help us on the way to a reverent or more centered stance, Kondo suggests taking a deep breath, opening the window to let in fresh air, and creating pleasant sounds, whether that’s a gong or a chant or our favorite Beatles album. (We did recommend in our book to declutter with music to make the task more enjoyable!)

Asking her clients to thank each piece of clothing, each book, each object is a way of pointing out the gratitude we want to have for the things in our lives. It was poignant to see how moving it was for people to thank their stuff; they were affected by it, sometimes expressing nostalgia, sometimes almost wistful, but ultimately more able to let go of the items. Her clients’ struggle has made me try to be less judgmental of other people, either of their stuff or their way of organizing (or their lack of organizing) it.

Kondo says it’s important to have a vision and to communicate that vision to your home. Having too many ties to our childhood can make it harder to be an adult, she says; that’s interesting to ponder. Catastrophizing, what if I need this, is fear, she says, and fear is not a reason to hang onto things. For me Kondo’s question to one of the family members is brilliant: “Is this something you want to bring with you into the future?” That question gives me a new perspective, a new way to look at my stuff.

Kondo’s definition of “sparking joy” says that joy includes anything that serves you well, whether it is an melon baller sitting in your kitchen drawer and used only in the summer or a favorite wool sweater that keeps you warm in the winter only. Recently a friend sorted through her books (yet again) and had piles in her living room for friends to choose from. There were many she had read and was ready to let go of and many she had not yet read and had decided – she made this decision herself – that they did not spark enough interest to keep them on her bookshelves. The joy for my friend is in the warmth of the home, the ease of living in it, and the ability to make our own choices about her books.

What does decluttering do? It makes more room in your home, it makes it easier to find things, and it simplifies your life. Julie Morganstern, author of Shed Your Stuff, Change Your Life, says “Organizing is what you do to settle down. Decluttering is what you do to grow.” And, perhaps most importantly, as Marie Kondo says, decluttering is a way “to understand what is most important in your life.”

“The most important part of this process of tidying is to always think about what you have and about the discovery of your sense of value, what you value that is important.”

Thank you, Marie Kondo. Well said.

 

Linda Hetzer is an editor and author of books on home design, crafts, and food, and coauthor of Moving On: A Practical Guide to Downsizing the Family Home. 

Marie Kondo, Now on Netflix…

Well there certainly has been a lot of intent interest in–and both enthusiastic and unenthusiastic response to–Marie Kondo’s new “reality” TV series on Netflix, which began earlier this month. (I have put the word “reality” in quotes because, as I hope most of us know, reality TV is not really about reality.)

I think the first thing to do in addressing this topic is to give credit where credit is due–and whatever else you may say or think about Marie Kondo, you’ve got to admit that she certainly has got a great sense of marketing, self-promotion, and business savvy.

Beyond that, she has helped and inspired a lot of people to get rid of clutter that was bogging them down in one way or another, and that is of course a good thing.

This is not the first time I’ve addressed the Marie Kondo phenomenon on this blog. I have written previously about it here and here.  To summarize my opinion about Marie Kondo and her “KonMari” method  briefly, in my initially reluctant and skeptical exploration of her writing I had to admit that her advice was more sympathetic to the “keepers” of this world (as my coauthor and I like to call them) than I thought it would be. And I had to furthermore admit that some of her advice might actually be helpful even for people who have a great deal of trouble letting of certain kinds of items. (This is largely because she does acknowledge the deep emotional, even spiritual, relationship many people have with the special objects in their lives, even as she goes about advising them to get rid of most of them.)

I have always said, when asked what I think about the Kondo phenomenon, that it is clear that for many people her philosophy and advice have been very helpful, even inspirational, and who would want to argue with that?

But I’ve also added that I don’t think her advice works for everyone: and that for many people it is far too extreme to be useful.

By way of example, she quite clearly has gone over the top for most people who love books and reading by saying that ideally people should keep less than 30 books in their homes. (!!)

This advice is so wrongheaded in so many ways I don’t even know where to begin. Luckily I don’t have to, because so many other readers, writers, and lovers of books have spoken up on the topic already. (I will give you a list of links to some of my favorite posts on this topic at the end of this piece.)

But I would like to share, right here and now, my favorite quote from one of these pieces, which I think really captures the spirit of what so many people feel about this particular piece of advice. “Paring down one’s wardrobe is one thing, but what kind of degenerate only wants to own 30 books (or fewer) at a time on purpose?” Summer Brennan asked in a 2016 essay published on Literary Hub.  She added, “What sort of psychopath rips out pages from their favorite books and throws away the rest so they can, as Kondo puts it, “keep only the words they like?” (You can read Brennan’s whole wonderful essay here. At the end of this piece there are some great suggestions for places to donate books “should you choose to part with them” 🙂 )

Some people may think Brennan has gone overboard in the outraged language quoted above. I, for one, think her response is perfectly measured, even serene, given the heresy Marie Kondo has expressed concerning the value of books in a home.

Also. I haven’t seen anyone else address this yet (though probably someone has), but do you not all remember the news that a recent study has found that children who grow up in a home with at least 80 books do better academically? And that the average number of books in an American home is 114? (You can read more about this in this article.)  Is Marie Kondo really trying to suggest that we should lower the average number of books in the American home past the point where the children in that home will be optimally intellectually nourished? I don’t know about you, but to me that seems not only misguided and almost unbelievably lacking in respect for intellectual curiosity, but a little bit creepy.

I should add that the spate of recent (and some not-so-recent) push-backs to the tidal wave of enthusiasm for Kondo-ism addresses more than just her advice about books. For example, this thoughtful essay by Arielle Bernstein, titled “Marie Kondo and the Privilege of Clutter,” which was published in 2016 in The Atlantic, frames Kondo’s advice in the context of what decluttering a home can be like for the children of refugees, and reminds readers that Kondo’s advice is pretty easy to follow for people who never have to worry about replacing the items they so gleefully go about shedding–and not necessarily as easy for those who have grown up in poverty.

In this excellent piece by Lisa Miller, which was published in New York magazine in 2015, Miller affectionately (and amusingly)  describes why the fact that she and her husband both grew up in homes where the Depression-era principle of “perfectly good” was dominant, means that they will never actually declutter their home–and why that is actually not such a bad thing.  (I personally feel this is a point of view that has not been adequately heard in all the fervent proselytizing about the virtues of minimalism in recent years.)

Finally, in this thoughtful essay, published just last week in BuzzFeed, Alison Willmore begins by saying that she, like Kondo, is very good at throwing things away. So she doesn’t object to the activity: she objects to the premise that by practicing Kondo’s method people can realize their “ideal lives.” She also objects to the “aura of moral righteousness that has…become attached to minimizing and to minimalism,” and adds that this “has always seemed unearned to me.” I agree with her there. More on that another day, perhaps.

Well, I am sure this is quite enough said on this topic for today. And I’ve given you plenty of other articles to read if you are looking for affirmation that you are not alone in finding Marie Kondo’s advice not quite as “life-changing” or as “magical” as the title of her book suggests.

But let me repeat: I’m happy for anyone who has been truly helped by her advice.  And I do not begrudge her the millions she’s made in giving it. (Well, maybe as the coauthor of a very helpful and useful book on downsizing that has not done nearly as well, I begrudge it just a little bit…)

And let me close by saying, that for those of you who are inclined, when you even hear the word “Kondo,”  to want to clutch your books to your chest (and maybe gather up your children as well, for a round of lap-sitting and reading aloud), I think it’s important to leave you with this reminder.

Her advice is not for everyone.

Janet Hulstrand is a writer, editor, writing coach, and coauthor of  Moving On: A Practical Guide to Downsizing the Family Home. She is also the author of Demystifying the French: How to Love Them, and Make Them Love You. 

Here, as promised, are a few eloquent, and recent, responses to Marie Kondo’s advice about getting rid of books:

https://www.oprahmag.com/entertainment/books/a25800198/netflix-tidying-up-marie-kondo-book-advice/

https://www.theguardian.com/books/shortcuts/2019/jan/08/are-books-clutter-marie-kondo-advice-give-them-away

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2019/jan/07/what-we-gain-from-keeping-books-and-why-it-doesnt-need-to-be-joy-marie-kondo?fbclid=IwAR2USYj9WEfHTP1PNiZ9zZYUlD2JDMF2Xf3AZdN9nkkQcgwQ95eZYSlnIno

 

 

 

A Year-End Retrospective

Is there anything good to report about 2018? We easily remember the horrendous events that made the headlines in the past year but I, and maybe you too, find it a bit difficult to think about the good things that happened.

For Downsizing The Home, our posts were a mixed bag of looking at the positive as we declutter but also acknowledging the parts that didn’t go quite as planned. What stays with me is the quote from Madeleine L’Engle, It is the ability to choose which makes us human. I have chosen to downsize some of my life while leaving much of it undisturbed (as of yet, anyway).

Here are some of the topics we shared in our blog.

It’s all just stuff.

And while that is to a large degree true, as Janet said, she has been thinking a bit lately about when it is NOT true. Sometimes it’s really not “all just stuff. Sometimes it is the stuff that holds our memories together, and makes our houses homes. Some of it is documentation of the lives we’ve lived.”

If it is all just stuff then it’s precious stuff for a hoarder-friend of ours. Although some of what was in her home was junk, much of it was in good condition and could be donated. It was an important task that a friend and I took on, and one we were honored to perform, to separate the good from the bad, so to speak, and make sure the good things found a new home.

There is joy in decluttering.

“Start where you are,” said Arthur Ashe and I did. I cleaned out my kitchen cabinets and my junk draw and kept some items, gave others to my kids, and donated what was left. Now I have cabinets where I can actually see what I have and where I don’t have to pull out 4 or 5 or 6 things to get at the one I want. What a joy. And it’s so much easier to work in the kitchen.

“Start where you are,” said Arthur Ashe and Janet did. She’s been chronicling, in a series of posts, the challenge she set for herself to empty her storage unit. You can follow along in our blog to see her progress and also to see the dilemmas she’s faced.

We can do better.

As Janet noted, she suspects that not many people are aware of the magnitude of the problem of too much clothing going into landfills. Earth 911 reports that “the EPA estimates that Americans discarded over 14 million tons of textiles in 2010…about 28,000,000,000 pounds of clothing that could have been reused or recycled – every year.” This is where clothing recycling comes in, something we have written about often.

We may not advocate minimalism per se (that’s hard for “the keeper” in me) but we need to heed the words of Joshua Becker of Becoming Minimalist, who says, “Desiring less is even more valuable than owning less.” We need to rethink our compulsion to own and learn to see the wisdom of simplicity in our lives.

We are all much the same, we are all human.

Those who help us in our quest to declutter are just like us. Alison Lush said, “During the classes I was taking, while learning how to work successfully as an organizer, I was personally affected. My understanding of the power of my possessions, and my relationship with my possessions started to change. I realized that I had a lot to gain by becoming my own first client.” A born cluttlerbug,” she has “successfully reprogrammed myself and changed my environment quite dramatically. I am therefore truly convinced that many other people are capable of this as well. I am very enthusiastic for them!”

As we continue decluttering, we look to the future.

Taking a look at our stuff, especially the stuff that holds meaning for us, is the time to think about where it will go after us and how we’ll accomplish that. We learned how downsizing and decluttering can lead to thoughts of the future and how writing a Legacy Letter or Ethical Will helps us sort out our feelings about our things. “Writing a Legacy Letter is an act of love, a means of conveying that love and caring into the recipient’s future and for future generations. It is an inheritance more valuable than money,” says Amy Paul, president of Heirloom Words.

May each day of the New Year bring you joy and health and less cluttered closets.

 

Linda Hetzer is an editor and author of books on home design, crafts, and food, and coauthor of Moving On: A Practical Guide to Downsizing the Family Home.