Marie Kondo, Now on Netflix…

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Well there certainly has been a lot of intent interest in–and both enthusiastic and unenthusiastic response to–Marie Kondo’s new “reality” TV series on Netflix, which began earlier this month. (I have put the word “reality” in quotes because, as I hope most of us know, reality TV is not really about reality.)

I think the first thing to do in addressing this topic is to give credit where credit is due–and whatever else you may say or think about Marie Kondo, you’ve got to admit that she certainly has got a great sense of marketing, self-promotion, and business savvy.

Beyond that, she has helped and inspired a lot of people to get rid of clutter that was bogging them down in one way or another, and that is of course a good thing.

This is not the first time I’ve addressed the Marie Kondo phenomenon on this blog. I have written previously about it here and here.  To summarize my opinion about Marie Kondo and her “KonMari” method  briefly, in my initially reluctant and skeptical exploration of her writing I had to admit that her advice was more sympathetic to the “keepers” of this world (as my coauthor and I like to call them) than I thought it would be. And I had to furthermore admit that some of her advice might actually be helpful even for people who have a great deal of trouble letting of certain kinds of items. (This is largely because she does acknowledge the deep emotional, even spiritual, relationship many people have with the special objects in their lives, even as she goes about advising them to get rid of most of them.)

I have always said, when asked what I think about the Kondo phenomenon, that it is clear that for many people her philosophy and advice have been very helpful, even inspirational, and who would want to argue with that?

But I’ve also added that I don’t think her advice works for everyone: and that for many people it is far too extreme to be useful.

By way of example, she quite clearly has gone over the top for most people who love books and reading by saying that ideally people should keep less than 30 books in their homes. (!!)

This advice is so wrongheaded in so many ways I don’t even know where to begin. Luckily I don’t have to, because so many other readers, writers, and lovers of books have spoken up on the topic already. (I will give you a list of links to some of my favorite posts on this topic at the end of this piece.)

But I would like to share, right here and now, my favorite quote from one of these pieces, which I think really captures the spirit of what so many people feel about this particular piece of advice. “Paring down one’s wardrobe is one thing, but what kind of degenerate only wants to own 30 books (or fewer) at a time on purpose?” Summer Brennan asked in a 2016 essay published on Literary Hub.  She added, “What sort of psychopath rips out pages from their favorite books and throws away the rest so they can, as Kondo puts it, “keep only the words they like?” (You can read Brennan’s whole wonderful essay here. At the end of this piece there are some great suggestions for places to donate books “should you choose to part with them” 🙂 )

Some people may think Brennan has gone overboard in the outraged language quoted above. I, for one, think her response is perfectly measured, even serene, given the heresy Marie Kondo has expressed concerning the value of books in a home.

Also. I haven’t seen anyone else address this yet (though probably someone has), but do you not all remember the news that a recent study has found that children who grow up in a home with at least 80 books do better academically? And that the average number of books in an American home is 114? (You can read more about this in this article.)  Is Marie Kondo really trying to suggest that we should lower the average number of books in the American home past the point where the children in that home will be optimally intellectually nourished? I don’t know about you, but to me that seems not only misguided and almost unbelievably lacking in respect for intellectual curiosity, but a little bit creepy.

I should add that the spate of recent (and some not-so-recent) push-backs to the tidal wave of enthusiasm for Kondo-ism addresses more than just her advice about books. For example, this thoughtful essay by Arielle Bernstein, titled “Marie Kondo and the Privilege of Clutter,” which was published in 2016 in The Atlantic, frames Kondo’s advice in the context of what decluttering a home can be like for the children of refugees, and reminds readers that Kondo’s advice is pretty easy to follow for people who never have to worry about replacing the items they so gleefully go about shedding–and not necessarily as easy for those who have grown up in poverty.

In this excellent piece by Lisa Miller, which was published in New York magazine in 2015, Miller affectionately (and amusingly)  describes why the fact that she and her husband both grew up in homes where the Depression-era principle of “perfectly good” was dominant, means that they will never actually declutter their home–and why that is actually not such a bad thing.  (I personally feel this is a point of view that has not been adequately heard in all the fervent proselytizing about the virtues of minimalism in recent years.)

Finally, in this thoughtful essay, published just last week in BuzzFeed, Alison Willmore begins by saying that she, like Kondo, is very good at throwing things away. So she doesn’t object to the activity: she objects to the premise that by practicing Kondo’s method people can realize their “ideal lives.” She also objects to the “aura of moral righteousness that has…become attached to minimizing and to minimalism,” and adds that this “has always seemed unearned to me.” I agree with her there. More on that another day, perhaps.

Well, I am sure this is quite enough said on this topic for today. And I’ve given you plenty of other articles to read if you are looking for affirmation that you are not alone in finding Marie Kondo’s advice not quite as “life-changing” or as “magical” as the title of her book suggests.

But let me repeat: I’m happy for anyone who has been truly helped by her advice.  And I do not begrudge her the millions she’s made in giving it. (Well, maybe as the coauthor of a very helpful and useful book on downsizing that has not done nearly as well, I begrudge it just a little bit…)

And let me close by saying, that for those of you who are inclined, when you even hear the word “Kondo,”  to want to clutch your books to your chest (and maybe gather up your children as well, for a round of lap-sitting and reading aloud), I think it’s important to leave you with this reminder.

Her advice is not for everyone.

Janet Hulstrand is a writer, editor, writing coach, and coauthor of  Moving On: A Practical Guide to Downsizing the Family Home. She is also the author of Demystifying the French: How to Love Them, and Make Them Love You

Here, as promised, are a few eloquent, and recent, responses to Marie Kondo’s advice about getting rid of books:

https://www.oprahmag.com/entertainment/books/a25800198/netflix-tidying-up-marie-kondo-book-advice/

https://www.theguardian.com/books/shortcuts/2019/jan/08/are-books-clutter-marie-kondo-advice-give-them-away

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2019/jan/07/what-we-gain-from-keeping-books-and-why-it-doesnt-need-to-be-joy-marie-kondo?fbclid=IwAR2USYj9WEfHTP1PNiZ9zZYUlD2JDMF2Xf3AZdN9nkkQcgwQ95eZYSlnIno

 

 

 

More on the Limits of Sparking Joy

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Photo by Janet Hulstrand. c 2015

Last year I wrote about Marie Kondo’s great success, about my skepticism in approaching her books, and about my surprise that I found her advice to be more sensitive toward and respectful of the “keepers” of this world than I thought it would be.

But at the time, I didn’t really admit that I was basically pretty uncomfortable with her famous phrase “sparking joy.” To me the whole “sparking joy” thing just seemed a little bit too facile. To me that phrase did not really seem like it would be a very useful mantra to use when trying to figure out what to keep and what to let go of.

One reason for this is that to be honest, it is very hard for me to joyful at all when I am immersed in the task of downsizing. Getting rid of things is not really something I enjoy a whole lot: it is something I do because I know I must.

Another reason is that, when I’m not in a bad mood because I’m trying to downsize, way too many of my things spark joy. For example, this book:

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This book is called Sailor Dog, and it was absolutely one of my favorite favorite books when I was a little girl. I loved this book, and I particularly loved these two pages. So. Although this book has always sparked joy in me, and always will, when I was working on emptying out my storage locker last spring, I knew it had to go. So I asked my son to take a picture of my favorite pages, and I just kept the photo. That worked just fine for me.

On the other hand, what you see below is one of the things I did keep, and it does not spark joy at all for me. What it sparks is sadness about the younger brother who wrote this letter to Santa when he was a little boy; about the fact that he died too young, and that he never really found the happiness in life I wish he could have found; and that he is gone now, and I miss him.

Still. I kept this letter when I found it in his storage locker after he died. (And I wrote about the experience of finding it here.) And I put it in our family’s book of Christmas-time remembrances. And I treasure it.

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So you see? For me, this whole notion that you would keep only the things that “spark joy,” and that this would pretty much solve the problem is problematic, to say the least.

Sometimes when I am speaking to groups about downsizing, I am asked about Marie Kondo’s book, and about the concept of “sparking joy.”

What I usually say is that apparently for a lot of people that advice has been extremely helpful, and for them, that’s a wonderful thing.

But that if it doesn’t really work for you, or doesn’t seem to help, there are lots of other ways to manage to get rid of the things you don’t need, and don’t want anymore.

And that you can always just listen to yourself too. Most people don’t need anyone else’s advice when it comes to making these decisions, not really. And even if they do, they appreciate having the chance to make the final decisions about what to keep and what to let go, and why, and how, themselves.

But you might want to consider buying our book. People have told us it’s been very helpful for them. Even though we never once used the words “sparking joy.” 🙂

Janet Hulstrand is a writer/editor, writing coach, travel blogger, and coauthor of Moving On: A Practical Guide to Downsizing the Family Home.

 

 

“Out of Clutter, Find Simplicity.”

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Out of clutter, find simplicity.

From discord, find harmony.

In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.

~ Albert Einstein

The first line of this quote was used in a newspaper advertisement for a new credit card and I was so intrigued by it that I searched for the entire quote. Of course, Einstein was talking about particles in physics, but the quote is relevant today in the way we live our lives in our homes and in the state of our country right now.

We can only hope that from the discord in our country today we will eventually find harmony. But in our lives at home, we can certainly work from our clutter towards a state of greater simplicity.

Marie Kondo, in Spark Joy: An Illustrated Master Class On The Art Of Organizing And Tidying Up, her second book, suggests an order to approaching the clutter. She feels the most helpful order for tidying up is:

Clothes

Books

Papers

Miscellany or what she calls Komono

Sentimental items

As you read her book, you come to realize how right she is about this order. She is very astute about the nature of clutter in one’s life.

Kondo asks: What sparks joy for you personally? And what doesn’t? And says the answers to these questions represent a major clue for getting to know yourself as a recipient of the gift of life. I find that a rather profound insight into the way we approach clutter. It’s all about how we approach life.

She says that complaining about tidying up – and this applies to me – is proof that a person still has the energy to carry on. So we should carry on even if we don’t feel like it because we can do it.

Going through your stuff is honing your sensitivity to joy. Tidying is the act of confronting yourself; cleaning is the act of confronting nature. For me, that explains why it’s often easier to clean than to declutter.

And the most important insight for those of us who are “keepers’” of our stuff is about the sentimental items. Kondo says tidying sentimental items means putting the past in order. We write about “keepers” and “throwers” in our book and have more to say about the two approaches to personal items here in a previous post.

Much food for thought in Spark Joy. I recommend the book as a new way to understand why we have so much stuff and for innovative ways to deal with the clutter we have created.

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Linda Hetzer is an editor and author of books on home designcrafts, and food, and coauthor of Moving On: A Practical Guide to Downsizing the Family Home

Is “Sparking Joy” Always the Answer?

978-1-60774-730-7First of all, full disclosure: I have not read either of Marie Kondo’s books from cover to cover. But I have read a lot about them, and this week–because people so often ask me what I think about her method, when I am talking about downsizing in connection with our book–I thought it was time to find out more about what she has to say about “the life-changing magic” of tidying up.

I must confess to have approached my exploration of these books with something of a prejudice from the get-go. I am first of all quite skeptical of anything that claims to be either “life-changing” or “magic.” And yet, I have heard some people happily and enthusiastically declare that Kondo’s book has changed their lives; and far be it from me to wish ill on, or disbelieve, anyone with such a claim.

So I believe the first thing to say is that for some people this book is apparently, if not magic, at least life-transforming, in a positive way. And that of course is a good thing.

The second thing to say is that, somewhat to my surprise, though I find the basic premise of the book (“if you properly simplify and organize your home once you’ll never have to do it again…”) probably at least a little bit inflated, there are many practical and useful suggestions offered, and the books are organized in such a way that it is easy to find guidance and tips for the specific categories of items you may be struggling to organize (or get rid of).

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In addition, unlike some decluttering gurus–whose methods and attitudes toward what my coauthor and I have called the “keepers” of this world sometimes border on the contemptuous, even brutally dismissive–Kondo does have sensitive, useful advice for how to get rid of those items that you know you really should get rid of, but which are difficult to discard because of the sentimental value, and the important memories, connected with them. In Spark Joy she tells the story of how she got rid of a dearly beloved stuffed animal (“Koro-chan”) from her childhood, to which she was very attached, but which had become a dusty allergen that had to go. She describes the process in which she came to terms with this decision; thanked Koro-chan for having been so important to her in her childhood; and then, along with her father, gave him a tender ceremonial farewell. She concludes the anecdote by saying, “I always thank my things when I discard them, but I treat things like stuffed animals that seem to have a soul with extra respect, as if conducting a memorial service.”

The notion of thanking objects, and giving special objects a ritualistic goodbye is not unlike the advice we give in our book, to find ways to capture, honor, and safeguard the memories evoked by the objects we’re letting go of–summarized in our motto of Keep the memories, get rid of the stuff. 

I think it’s fair to say, however, that these books are not going to be life-changing for everyone, a fact that Kondo herself freely admits: “You won’t die if your house isn’t tidy and there are many people in the world who don’t really care if they can’t put their house in order. Such people, however, would never pick up this book…” (Present company excepted! 🙂 )

Those of you who aren’t ready or willing, for whatever reasons, to commit yourselves to the Kondo method, to a minimalist lifestyle generally, or to taking the time to fold your underwear in ways that are unarguably very tidy, but also much more time-consuming than just throwing them into a drawer, may find the kind of help you need in our book instead. Moving On: A Practical Guide to Downsizing the Family Home is focused on how to deal with a massive and often overwhelming task, as well as how to make it less overwhelming by starting early and proactively working ahead of the clock. We even claim that, approached the right way, it can be fun!

Janet Hulstrand is a writer/editor, writing coach, travel blogger, and coauthor of Moving On: A Practical Guide to Downsizing the Family Home.

 

 

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