In writing our book, Moving On: A Practical Guide to Downsizing the Home, one of the things we discovered is that the world seems to be divided into what we call “keepers” and what we call “throwers.”
When talking about downsizing, keepers often get a bum rap for obvious reasons. They tend to slow down the process, and in the stress and/or hurry of a move, their sentimentality, their concern for the environment, their desire not to waste-whatever it is that motivates their “keeping” ways–are often not at all appreciated.
But, as we have pointed out, for a downsizing-the-home project to be optimally successful, the attributes of both of these “opposite” types of people are needed. Throwers are good at clearing out and moving on; keepers are good at making sure that in the process special things and special memories are not lost. These two kinds of people–and almost always there are some of each in every family, or every downsizing situation–need to work together with respect, understanding, and most of all patience in order for the job to get done, and done in such a way that the future will not be full of regret for how it was done.
Keepers need extra time in this process: then they need to take a deep breath and give away, donate, or otherwise dispose at least some of the things that really, honestly, deep down, they’d much rather keep: they just have to!
Throwers need to slow down a bit, then take a deep breath and summon up the patience and understanding for keepers’ ways that is needed in order for the keepers to go ahead and do what they have to do–without having their hearts broken.
When this kind of balance can be achieved, ugly fights, lingering feelings of resentment, and unproductive bouts of undermining each other’s work can be avoided.
Hopefully when all is said and done, the keepers will be willing to admit that getting rid of some of the things they dreaded getting rid of isn’t as bad as they thought it would be, especially when they’ve been given the time to find ways to “keep the memories.”
And hopefully when all is said and done, the throwers will be willing to admit that after all, the keepers did have some good reasons to slow the process down a bit–and that maybe they even come away from the process with some precious memories to savor that they might not have, had the keepers not been there to remind them.
Here’s hoping that as you go about downsizing your home, you and yours will find that harmonious middle ground that will allow you to respect each other’s ways in a difficult process. And to save precious memories–and last, but certainly not least–to get rid of much of the “stuff.”
Janet Hulstrand is a writer/editor, writing coach, travel blogger, and coauthor of Moving On: A Practical Guide to Downsizing the Family Home.